it is 5pm. and it is pitch dark outside. it could be midnight.

mindlessly staring at the lecture notes that i am supposed to be reading, with a pile of books which need to be read on my left, and a stack of notes which also need to be reviewed on my left, and the heater next to my desk radiating heat, the blank screen of the computer in front of me. the desklamp that i put on the shelf above me shines down on me, i can hear people chatting in the corridor, and my mind is not in the present, but is skipping over various topics in my brain.

i'm in one of those moods, perhaps brought on by the early onset of night and a long day of successfully doing nothing, and maybe in part due to the nap i had in the afternoon, where your mind focuses on nothing, but drifts in and out of the rooms in your mind quite easily. i think long winter nights are conducive to these moods, which means i have quite a few of them ahead of me. you stay indoors most of the time, it's cold and dark outside, there's frost on the grass which the bright chilly sunshine doesn't quite manage to melt, and you think wistfully of milk for your hot chocolate. [note to self: must buy milk]. u retreat inside your little cocoon, snuggle up, and wait it out.

i think about my friends, i think about my family... my family, who have been so good to me, whom i am so blessed to have. support comes in all forms- financial, emotional, encouragement, contact. i think about my friends, in australia, malaysia and other places, scattered around the world. my friends here, who have become so much a part of my life, who have wheedled their way into my heart in such a short time. my aussie gal pals, for the great good times we have had, my new british friends, for the colour and variety they add to my life, for my christian union friends, who are a constant reminder to me that there are other christians out there, not everyone in england binge drinks every night, and for the fellowship they give. and then i think about my friends in australia and elsewhere, how i miss them and their familiarity, the shared history and the communication without words.

i think about identity and the identity i have carved for myself here.

but now i have to shake off this introspective mood, this desire to remain in an fuzzy cocoon, because i have to get to dinner and then to work. it's amazing the variety of conferences that we get- from appreciation dinners from one-time england footballers, to dinners by the prince's trust to celebrate reformed juvenile delinquents, to awards ceremonies for builders. i have to dress myself in black tights, a black skirt, a white shirt and black shoes, and serve food to this wide variety of people.

oh crap where are my tights?