the unrecorded moments of our lives.

where has the time gone?

as i look in my daily planner, on which i have developed an unhealthy dependency, i see how i have been spending my time. international orientation was merely a relaxing prelude to fresher's week. so therefore in week one went out a lot, and developed a bad complexion while doing it. in the first week of classes i missed my tute by going an hour early, it was my hall's formal dinner, i went to a house party on that sat. in the second week of classes, i went for the cell group in my hall, dinner in a pub serving thai food with melb uni girls, a volunteer induction, thai kickboxing, the international christian fellowship at uni, and a rag raid to durham. in the third week of classes, i had lunch with an old friend from hk, a U21 social, cheered on vicki during JCR elections, started work as a waitress at the conference centre, met my international finance group, watched a chinses movie at the lakeside cinema, went to a half a yoga class, went to the living room [name of a bar] for drinks, had work again on friday- for 9 hours, lost control of my left arm, went to york on saturday, and attended a student lunch at church. which brings us to last week- a 7-legged bar crawl, saw the miss rutland competition, and went to london on wed to sun, where i saw su, pam, lisa, kiren [first time in years!] claudia, div... and ate japanese, korean, mediterranean, chinese food, met other ppl from melb uni which whom i am apparently going to paris for a weekend with.

interspersed with all these are trips to beeston, nights spent watching movies in people's rooms, talking in people's rooms, random nights out, several large headaches about banking, and other miscellaneous events that make up our days, our nights, and our lives.

but it is the things which remain unwritten which are the most interesting. emotional upheavals and moments of introspection, instances of mild panic- induced by coffee, and mild panic- induced by life. sometimes things fly by so fast that u need to take time out. i remember when i really needed some time to myself, i felt run down and low on energy and hope for optimistic outcomes. so i went to the millenium gardens to rest, to sit for half an hour and just be alone, to rest, to rejuvenate. and it was the best thing i could have done. i sat on the same bench under a tree for half an hour, not talking to anyone, not even really thinking deep profound thoughts. i wasn't thinking, my mind wasn't active... i just sat and savoured the day, the beautiful day with blue sky and sunshine and cute small clouds. bear in mind i live in england, such a day is to be savoured indeed! and after a while, i became so still, and so much a part of my surroundings, that a squirrel scampered down onto the overhanging branch and started to peck away at the fruit there...

as i was reading charissa's blog, and her thoughts on being on exchange, i realised that the two of us have not begun to learn more about ourselves, but i think that we have also become more spiritual. i know that she goes to church and cell and church camp. i go to the cell in my hall, and also to the international students fellowship in uni, and church on sundays, and i am about to sign up for church camp. can u imagine us being so involved in melbourne, charissa? come on, i wasn't involved in any cells or fellowship groups, and u could hardly make it to church, and the both of us spent some sermons flapping out arms about in silent signals about someone!

i suppose being on exchange, is, more than i expected, a learning process. more and more i think it's a process of defining yourself- what u are, what u are not, what matters and what doesn't. i've never regretted coming here, but there were times when i didn't expect it to be so hard. i thought i'd be used to moving, but this move dealt me a most unexpected blow. i didn't realise i would feel so disorientated and displaced. now am i less disorientated and less displaced, but there is something about being here that really shows up your weaknesses and insecurities.

but it's good. and there have been good things, good friendships.... at some stage u have to stop and think, hold on, i don't have to live up to different expectations, i can just be myself, do what i want to do, and that's better for me. at some stage, i think what most people want is peace.

isn't great to be on exchange?