top news story of the day.

he won't look so happy once he's heard the news.

forget those pesky armed conflicts in the middle east, today's top story is that the controversial planet pluto, ninth planet from the sun, has been booted out of our solar system by being declassified as a planet and recategorised as a 'dwarf planet' by the international astronomical union.

the bastards!

i'm sure everyone will agree with me when i say that the most important implications are to do with the children's rhymes that help kids everywhere remember the names and order of the planets. rhymes like,
'my very energetic mother just showed me nine planets.'

a quick google search pulled up other rhymes like 'mary very easily makes jam so you needn't panic', 'mrs van eats mainly jam strawberry usually never plum', 'my very enormous monster just sucked up nine planets', and my favourite, 'my very evil mother's jokes sometimes upsets nervous people'.

now, with the demise of pluto,
'my very energetic mother just showed me nine.'
'mrs van eats mainly jam strawberry usually never.'
'my very enormous monster just sucked up nine.'
'my very evil mother's jokes sometimes upsets nervous.'

thus, i propose a new rhyme, to be sent to primary schools the world over, effectively immediately,

'my valient elephant makes jockeys salivate until noon.'
'most venerable esteemed maidens, just suzie understands necrophilia.'
'mixed vegetables, eaten, makes joe shit uncomfortably now.'

pluto? a dwarf planet? i feel your pain.